The price of victory
by itaywex
Summary: After countless desperate loops Homura finally managed to defeat Walpurgisnacht and save Madoka. But the magical girl who lived years of her life in war no longer knows how to live a normal life. It's been two years, and both of them grew only further apart...


**The price of victory**

 **"Trio Finale!"**

From beyond the pain that clouded her mind, Homura could still hear the shouts and screams of the other magical girls.

 _'Ah... There are still fighting, aren't they?'_

Homura grasped at the piece of metal piercing her stomach and was about to pull when someone placed her hands over hers.

"Homura-Chan, don't!"

Homura looked at Madoka with a puzzled expression before glancing at her own soul gem. It was almost completely black, and Homura understood why she was feeling so sick (aside from her wounds).

 _'So I'm at my limit? A pity.'_

Her shield clicked and few of the mechanical parts turned. "Homura-chan, don't use your magic. You'll die!" Madoka yelled with a panicked tone.

But Homura simply smiled, "Don't worry, I will be fine," she gazed into Madoka's eyes and engraved Madoka's tearful face into her mind. That's what she wanted to protect, no matter how many months of misery and futile struggles she would have to endure.

Homura took another deep breath-

 _ **BBBOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!**_

She froze, her mind followed Madoka's gaze to see walpurgisnacht falling down from the sky. Its gears breaking apart and the witch's body dissolving.

"Homura, look! They did it!" Madoka yelled in excitement and relief. But Homura didn't respond.

They won?

It's what she always wanted, but is this really happening?

Homura glanced at her dimming soul gem, she didn't have much time left to travel back. But... Even if it's a hallucination, she still wanted to stay in that world, in the world where Madoka would never have to suffer again.

In the distance she could see Kyoko running towards her, holding something black and malevolent in her hand.

Homura closed her eyes, no matter what happens next, this is what she had wished for.

"Kyoko-san, help Homura-chan, her soul gem-"

"I know that, move out of the way and let me take care of this."

Homura felt something connecting to _her soul_ and the numbness faded away. Instead came pain, but also a warm feeling.

But even as her wounds healed and Kyoko purified her soul gem she only thought of one didn't even spare a glance at Mami or Sayaka , the only person that mattered to her right then, in that moment, was Madoka.

' _She is alive.'_

X•X

 _2 years later_

The raven haired girl walked through the park, her ears were covered by wireless headphone, playing some kind of classical music from her phone. She sat on one of the benches and took a deep breath. The sun shone above, the pleasant wind made the grass and leaves move gently.

There were many children around playing all sorts of games. A family of four was having a picnic and a green haired girl was holding a bright kite that flew high up in the air.

Homura didn't have any particular reason to come to the park, she just had the time and thought to go somewhere nice. The sun and wind kept the temperature just perfect for a midday nap. So the magical girl closed her eyes, and took a nap in the peaceful park.

…

Homura blinked in surprise. She was standing in an empty, dim, room. One glance down showed her that she was in her magical girl outfit, including her usual shield and bright soul gem.

 _'Is this a dream?'_

She felt something drawing her forward towards the center of the large house. Homura left the room she was in and passed through several corridors.

 _'I know this place, it's **her** home'_

Homura stopped in front of Madoka's room. Even before she pushed the half-open door she knew that something was _wrong_. Her heartbeats quickened as she pushed the door so hard that it slammed into the wall with a loud bang.

Madoka laid inside, her back against one of the walls. Homura felt her heart stop as she stared into the lifeless eyes of a 14 years old Madoka, whose chest was filled with holes.

 _But I saved her! I saved her!_

Homura rushed forward to hug Madoka's body, uselessly hoping that her eyes were deceiving her. She was about to start weeping when she heard someone talk behind her.

"It was the only way to save everyone. The life of a single person can't be compared to the whole word," The voice behind her spoke without a trace of compassion.

Homura clenched her hands into fists, "YOU!" and turned back to-

-wake up with a gasp.

Homura placed a hand over her left breast as she tried to control her breathing. _'It was a dream, just a dream,'_ It took few moments for her heartrate and breathing to return to normal.

 _'I saved her and Kyubei confirmed that her potential has decreased dramatically, something like this can't happen anymore,'_ Homura rose from her bench and started to walk out of the park. She knew that it was just a dream, yet… Why was she so worried?

Homura gritted her teeth before turning away and running to the opposite direction. She went to a bus stop and entered one of the passing busses. Despite her knowledge that something like that shouldn't happen, she wasn't sure. What if someone attacked Madoka? What if she really is in danger?

Homura did her best to control herself and not transform to jump from rooftop to rooftop. She patiently waited for the bus to stop in the street Madoka lived in and run towards her house. It was a pretty wide street with few houses, but each house was very big and most had a large garden around themselves.

She stopped underneath the stairs that led to Madoka's "house". It was closer to a mansion as it was much bigger than the house a normal middle class of four would have.

Homura thought about going up the stairs but she froze. She was probably scared for no good reason, how would Madoka react when Homura would appear unannounced on her front door?

She stood there for a while, conflicted between her fears and her rational thinking.

"Ahem," Someone coughed near Homura. She turned around and saw the 16 years old girl she was looking for. Homura took a deep breath, she had scared herself for no reason after all.

"Akemi-san, what are you doing here?" One of Madoka's eyebrow rose. Homura took a step back as she tried to think of an excuse, she really didn't want Madoka to think that she was following her around _again_.

"I… Er…" Homura looked to the side, trying to think of a good excuse.

Madoka just rolled her eyes and started climbing towards her house, "You can come inside if you want. I think that I would feel more comfortable if I knew where you were instead of having you sneak around my house."

Homura lowered her head and followed Madoka. _'It happened only once!'_ She wanted to punch herself in the face, how did things got this bad between the two of them?

Was it because she kept following Madoka around? Was it because she got into fights with Kyoko and Sayaka?

She knew that she acted like a stalker, but what else could she do? After years of repeating the same month she couldn't let Madoka get run over by a random car or get attacked by some thug. It even reached the situation where Madoka made it clear that she didn't appreciate the fact that Homura was "stalking" her.

But Madoka didn't understand. She wasn't stalking her, she was trying to protect her!

Homura continued to follow Madoka into her house, where the two sat in the large living room in the first floor. As Madoka sat down on the sofa, she took care to place her bag near her Homura thought just how well she had grown up.

She lost some of her cheerfulness and naivety as the months flew by, however, she became a much stronger person during that time. While she wasn't the same girl who kept thinking about how to make everyone happy anymore, she became someone who can actually help people, which is something she loved to do.

Unfortunately for Homura, her kindness no longer extended towards those who had hurt her, and she was looking at Homura with an emotionless expression that would make the old Madoka afraid. "So, is there any reason why you were outside my house again, Akemi-san?"

Homura looked around the house, as if expecting someone to save her from this uncomfortable situation, but no one was around. "I… I was just checking if you are alright," She simply said the truth.

Madoka leaned back and rubbed the back of her head, "You could have just called me. Besides, why did you think that I wasn't okay?" When Homura didn't answer Madoka sighed, "Homura-san. I do appreciate how you are helping Sayaka and Mami with the witches, but please stop following me around," Her face reddened a bit in embarrassment, "It's creepy."

Homura's hands tightened into fists, _'This isn't what I wanted!'_ She bit her lower lip before looking at Madoka, "I apologize, Kaname Madoka. I will be sure to make an effort not to disturb you again," And with that, she rose, hiding her emotions by the expressionless mask that has become her usual face during that endless month.

"I appreciate you inviting me into your home, but I have some matters I need to attend to," Homura bowed and turned to leave. She didn't actually have anything she needed to do, but she needed an excuse to leave. Staying there wouldn't be beneficial to Madoka, and hurting Madoka wasn't something that Homura would allow anyone to do, including herself.

"Really? What kind of matters are you talking about?" Madoka stood up as well causing Homura to turn back and look at her with a surprised expression.

"Well… I-" Homura stammered. _'Since when was she this sharp?'_.

"Homura-san, why are you following me?" Madoka asked with a concerned expression, she really looked like she was suffering for some reason. At first Homura didn't understand, Madoka should be angry and not concerned. Why would she make that kind of face?

Then realization struck Homura and she had to put a hand on the sofa to steady herself. Madoka wasn't worry about herself, she was worried about _her_. Homura swallowed and looked at Madoka, who was starting to panic.

"Homura, are you okay? Tell me what's wrong!" Madoka looked genuinely worried.

 _'I wished to protect her… When was the last time she protected me?_

Homura closed her eyes and smiled, "Nothing, I just felt a bit nostalgic. Don't worry yourself over me, Kaname Madoka. I'm very capable on handling myself, so there's no reason for you to be so concerned" She started to turn around but was stopped once again by Madoka's voice.

"No, you're wrong. I've been friends with other magical girls for two years, and I know how important your emotional state is," Madoka took few steps forward, "Homura-san, tell me what's wrong. I know that you have been following me around for two years for a reason. It's [b]not[/b] something that we can just ignore!"

Homura stared at Madoka. She felt like she couldn't breath, this was a situation she never wanted to be in. She always thought about telling Madoka about her wish, but decided against it. _'What good will it do?'_

But Madoka was practically asking for it. How Homura would be able to explain everything without telling her about her wish? About the years she spent fighting for her?

Madoka walked to Homura and held one of Homura's hands between hers. "Please tell me, Homura-chan."

Homura felt the last of her resistance melting away and she lowered her head in defeat. "The reason I've been following you around for the last two years… It's because I have nothing else to do."

Madoka blinked a few times in surprise, "You followed me around because you were bored?"

Homura shook her head, "No. I kept watching you because there isn't anything else that I care about. Do you understand now? I wanted to protect you for so long that it's all I have left now, " Homura clutched her chest with her other hand, and tried to control her trembling body.

What she just said on impulse was the truth. She didn't care about other people, no matter if they were random people on the street, her "friends" or her family.

At that moment she finally understood.

 _'I am broken.'_

It was as simple as that.

Homura almost collapsed on Madoka, who was quick in supporting the magical girl. "Homura!" She helped Homura sit on the sofa and looked at her with a worried expression. Homura tried to take a deep breath, "I'm fine, let me go," she growled, barely able to form words..

"No," Madoka said firmly, with her slender hands on Homura's shoulders. "Tell me everything, please. I'm sorry for being mean to you, but I can't help without knowing _why_."

Homura looked at her eyes, _'_ _Could I really tell her everything?'_ She opened and closed her mouth few times before talking, "Are you sure that you want to know?" Her voice was oddly steady, as if she had resigned herself to her fate.

Madoka nodded, "Yes, tell me."

Homura's face returned to its expressionless mask, "Let me tell you my wish, it's the start of everything," she swallowed once before telling something which she haven't told anyone in what amounted to 10 years, "My wish was to protect you. You died and- and I wished to go back to when I met you, so I could protect you!"

Homura didn't see Madoka's shocked expression, her eyes were open but all she saw were the memories from that endless month. "I tried to save you, but you died again, so I came back again, but I failed again. I failed and I failed and I failed and I failed and I failed… So many times," She began to cry, tears streaming down her face and dropping onto her cloths.

"You wished to come back to protect me?" Madoka asked Homura, who nodded weakly in return. "How… How many time did you try to save me and failed?" Madoka tried to shake Homura a bit to make her focus, but the raven-haired girl barely acknowledged her. "I don't know… Dozens of times, after a while reliving that month became something I was used to," Homura shook her head and looked at Madoka with tears still dropping down her face.

"Do you understand? I spent months, years, trying to save you. And now… I have nothing," Homura hugged herself, trying to stop shivering, "I know that I'm screwed up, but I stopped caring about my friends and family a long time ago, you are the only thing I have left, the only thing that is still real to me."

For a moment Madoka didn't say anything, and Homura was too afraid to look at her. She kept her head down and tried to contain her own emotions. A small voice in her mind told her that her soul gem was accumulating grief, but she ignored it. She was too afraid to look at Madoka, did she believe her? Or did Madoka think that she was crazy?

Her unasked question was answered when suddenly she was hugged by the pink-haired girl. "I believe you," She simply said, "I can't say I that I can grasp what you just told me, but I believe you."

Homura hesitantly returned the hug by placing her arms around Madoka, "You… You have grown up," she mumbled incoherently. Madoka pulled away and smiled, "Yes. And I have you to thank for that."

Madoka pulled one of Homura's hands and started to lead her through the house. Homura felt emotionally drained and simply walked with her, "Where are we going?"

Madoka glanced at her, smiling kindly, "To one of the guest rooms, would you like to sleep here today?" Homura felt like she couldn't talk, so she simply nodded. Madoka led her to one of the unused rooms in the house, which was occasionally used by guests.

Homura knew that she looked pathetic. Her eyes were still red from crying and her clothes were stained, yet Madoka kept her cheerful expression and for some reason she felt safe. Much safer than how she felt in the last two years.

Madoka opened the door and they entered a small room with a large bed, two chairs and a nightstand. Madoka led Homura towards the bed and she half sat-half collapsed onto it. "Is… Is this really okay?" She stammered.

Madoka nodded, "It's fine. I… I wronged you, and I want to make things right," She diverted her gaze with a slightly embarrassed expression, "I never considered why you are acting the way you did, and now that you told me I understand how badly I mistreated you by pushing you away."

Homura opened her mouth to say something but Madoka cut her off, "So stay here, and we will get to the bottom of this. I'm not allowing you to leave until you explained everything, okay?" She smiled at Homura.

Homura wiped the tears away and nodded. Madoka gave her a pat on her shoulder and left the room.

Homura laid down on the bed and hugged one of the pillows. This conversation made all sorts of memories resurface and she found out that she remembered them vividly. Being saved by Madoka, training with Madoka, fighting together with Madoka, killing Madoka, preventing her from contracting again and again and again.

She remembered how after the first few loops she distanced herself from Madoka, always acting from the shadow to prevent her from contracting. Since then she never spent a lot of time with Madoka and never had to open her heart to anyone. And even after Madoka was saved Homura kept getting into fights with Sayaka and Kyoko.

So even after she got what she wanted she never sat down and talked to Madoka like how she used to in the first few loops, _'Maybe that's why… That's why I returned to my old self?'_ she thought to herself, hugging the pillow tightly.

Homura took the time she was left alone in to relax and compose herself. And after few minutes she heard someone walking down the hallway, "Homura, can you open the door, please?"

Homura raised to her feet and found out that she has mostly recovered her ability to walk alone. She smiled bitterly, _'I really should pull myself together, I wished to protect her, I can't act weak just because she started to protect me again,_ She mused, opening the door.

What entered was Madoka, who was holding a tray loaded with a pot of tea, two glasses and biscuits. She placed them on the nightstand and moved one of the chairs to sit in front of Homura's spot on the bed.

Homura sat down but didn't say a word. The calm atmosphere was too weird for her, when was the last time she was alone with Madoka?

Madoka placed one of her hands over one of Homura's hands, "Homura-chan, do you feel like you can tell me more?" Homura took a deep breath before nodding. Madoka smiled kindly, "Okay, please tell me everything, I want to understand you better."

She was alone with Madoka, who did not look at her with fear or hatred, but with a kind gaze she hasn't seen for years. She was with her and she knew that Madoka was speaking the truth when she told her that she wanted to understand.

Homura accepted the tea cup Madoka offered her and smiled as well.

For the first time in two years, Homura felt like she got what she wished for.


End file.
